The longest running tradition here on MBIP is the annual counting of the gumball machines at the Northwoods Mall. This started over six years ago when I had first moved back here to Peoria after living in New York for 19 years. I went to go look around at the Northwoods Mall and was immediately amazed at the number of gumball machines that were there. I went and did a count of them and was dumbfounded that there were 68 gumball machines at the mall. You can read that post by clicking here.
Well, it became an annual tradition to count the gumball machines in January of the new year and for the last two years I’ve been joined by MBIP pal and frequent commentator, Chad Wallace. But this year he’s chosen to abandon me. The goddamned snowstorm that screwed up my Saturday night dinner also messed with this post. I had planned on doing it last Sunday and since Chad Wallace lives in Springfield, he didn’t want to risk driving in the snowy mess to count the gumball machines this year. So sadly, just like Al Kooper, I stand alone in this year’s gumball counting post.
Just as amazing as the number of the gumball machines at the mall is the fact that just like Jesus, every year the count has risen. Last year the count had grown to a record-breaking 106 gumball machines!
Let’s go brave the snow and take our yearly tally of gumball machines at the Northwoods Mall.
Every year I like to get a bag of gumballs so I always take a lot of quarters with me. This year I’ve put them in a blue traveling cup.
It took me a half an hour to clear all of the snow off of the MBIP Mobile and then another ten minutes to rock it out of the snow bank it was parked in. But eventually I got on the road, and as you can see, most people chose to do like Chad and stay inside. I’m the only asshole driving around out here on a mission to count gumball machines. Sometimes it’s best not to think to much about my decisions in life! Here we are at the Northwoods Mall! Let’s get inside and out of this snowy glopalapooza.
This one’s for Chad Wallace, even though he abandoned me, here’s an underwear shot at the Lane Bryant store for you Chad! You’re welcome!
The First Level
There’s the familiar first bank as you enter the mall. One disturbing thing that happened was that some of the gumball machines just dispense one gumball at a time! It could take a while to fill up my bag! I should also mention that it’s a real pain in the ass having to take the photos and buy the gumballs and keep count of the machines. I hope you’re nice and comfy at home, Chad!
I’m always amazed at the Mega Fruit gumballs, can this even fit in someone’s mouth without causing lockjaw?
Two questions always hit me as I see all of these gumball machines here at the mall, who’s buying all of these gumballs and candy and who stocks all of them? Are there gumball fairies that swoop in here at night and fill them up? I sure hope so!
“Mommy will you buy me some bouncy puppy testicles?”
Maybe they should rename this one to: “Junior Terrorist Toys.”
The lone gumball machine. After being sadly abandoned by Chad Wallace, I know just how this lonely gumball machine feels. I’m starting to get a little verklempt over here!
This is the last stop on the First Level and the count is 46! Time to head upstairs to...
The Second Level
Here we are up on the second level at the mall. Doing all the work has me a little tired and hungry. Time for a break at...
The Food Court
I went to the food court and got a slice of pizza and it was surprisingly tasty! It’s the closest to a New York slice I’ve had in Peoria! it even had a layer of grease on top, just like a New York slice that I mopped up with some napkins. This was a great slice and a nice refreshing break! Okay back to the counting of the gumball machines!
This is the bank on the far end of the second level. I had never heard of Flubby, so I just Googled him and got this definition: “Flubby is a large, sleepy cat who refuses to do the things that other pets do. He won't sing, catch, or even jump!” Huh, it sounds just like Chad Wallace!
The House of Depressed Gumballs!
Here’s the last two rows of gumball machines on the second level. Every year I’m amazed by the Cry Baby Guts machine. So for the seventh year in a row, I have to ask: Who are the ad wizards who came up with this one?”
I think this may just be the most disturbing candy of all time, little fruit flavored babies. Somehow when I have a craving for candy, I’ve never thought, “I’d sure like to eat a little candy baby.” After this and the “Cry Baby Guts” candy, next year I’m expecting a sour, fruit flavored abortion gumball machine. Now that’s something to look forward to!
Okay, time to reveal this year’s gumball tally! Ringo, I think you know what to do!
We had 60 machines on the second level and combined with the 46 on the first level gives us 106 gumball machines total. That’s a tie with last year and that’s the first time this has ever happened. The count remains static! Okay, now I’ve got to drive home in that snowy mess, hope to see you back here next year, Chad Wallace!
Related Posts: The Sixth Annual Counting of the Gumball Machines, The Fifth Annual Counting Of The Gumballs @ Northwoods Mall, The Fourth Annual Counting Of The Gumball Machines At The Northwoods Mall, The Third Annual Counting Of The Gumball Machines at Northwoods Mall! and 68 Gumball Machines At Northwoods Mall