it’s January 26th, 2017 and that can mean only one thing...at least to me...it’s time for our annual counting of the gumball machines at the Northwoods Mall! This is a time-honored tradition here on MBIP that started back on January 9th, 2013! This blog was just about a month old back then and I had been to the Northwoods Mall and noticed there was an abundant amount of gumball and candy machines there, so I decided to take a count of them. Well, this has turned into a yearly obsession...I mean tradition...and this year is going to be a very special edition of this yearly outing because we have a special guest star to join us in the counting of the gumball machines and...
There’s a knock at the door, our special guest must be here already! Let’s open the door and...oh, it’s the Doublemint Twins. Great to see you ladies, but we’re going to count gumball machines, not sticks of gum, so I don’t think you’ll be of much use here. Plus you’re not supposed to be riding bicycles in the hallway, so you two better move along now, scoot!
Alright, here’s the guy I’ve been looking for, it’s none other than Chad Wallace, who’s a regular commenter here and often leaves great haiku remarks! Chad drove all the way from Springfield to help out with this year’s counting of the gumball machines and his job is going to be to collect up a bag of gumballs that we’ll present to a lucky winner.
There he is with a bag of quarters and an empty bag to fill up. Chad’s also driving and here we are at the Northwoods Mall. I’ve had some problems in the past, so I’ve learned to kind of do this while dodging the security guards in here!
Okay, time to begin this year’s gumball journey, there’s Chad leading the way inside!
Part I: The Lower Level
Uh, oh, Chad's a little pre-occupied with the headless mannequins in their underwear! Come on Chad, we’re professional gumball counters here, let’s stick with the program...although the one on the left does have really nice tits, but let’s just move along here! There’s the first bank of gumball machines over there and of course this leads to this yearly joke: “Hey, I wondered whatever happened to Banarama!” Ha, that never gets old...okay, it does, but let’s just pretend like it doesn’t and keep moving along here!
Okay, there’s Chad getting to work buying some gum...hey Chad, try and get the gum in the bag, you’re slopping the mall all up over here! Sheesh!
Check out the luxury massage chairs over here, comfy! And there’s a good lesson in economics, if you underline something, it appears to be a bargain even when it’s not!
Okay, plenty more gumballs over here and here and Chad’s doing a great job of filling up the gumball bag! And check it out, two more massage chairs are over here! They sure are tempting, but we’ve got work to do here, so we’ll just keep walking and counting!
Here’s the last bank on the lower level of the mall and here’s a little truth in advertising moment for all of us. Chad put a quarter in the Dubble Bubble (and yes, I hate the way they spell, “Double!”) and what comes out? Two little Chicklet-size pieces of gum! Yikes! Okay, time to head upstairs!
Part II: The Upper Level
There’s a new bank over here with one of my favorite bubble gum brands, “Cry Baby Guts.” It always makes me think of a John Waters movie being screened in an abortion clinic, but that’s just me! Across from the gumball bank is a driving instructor class thingy. And nearby there appears to be a group of graduates from the class. They sure seem like a happy bunch, take my advice, don’t take that van for a spin in Peoria Heights! (Inside joke alert!)
Holy shitballs, there’s even more of these massage chairs up here! Maybe next year we’ll count these things instead of gumball machines!
Okay, there’s a couple more stops up here and Chad’s doing a great job of adding to the MBIP gumball collection! Hey, check out the Dippin’ Dots, I wonder if Sean Spicer will have this machine removed this year? Okay, we’ve now hit all of the gumball machines and there’s the bag of gumballs that Chad bought on this trip. And that can only mean one thing...
There's 105 gumball machines in 2017! This is a new record and the first time we’ve hit triple digits here on the yearly gumball count! This is very exciting and it can only mean one thing...
Part III: Celebratory Lunch At Smo-King Pit BBQ!
Chad and I decided to have a lunch to celebrate the new gumball machine record here at the mall and we went to Smo-King Pit BBQ, which I’ve heard good things about, but I’ve never been here. It’s nice inside and we decided to sti at the bar. Aleshia was our friendly and pretty waitress and Lortetta was seated nearby. After talking to Loretta, we discovered she has ten children! So we gave her the sack of gumballs because god knows she must run out of ways to entertain that many kids!
Before lunch Chad gave a generous donation to the MBIP Viritual Beer fund! They don’t serve beer here, so we’ll save it for tonight, thanks Chad, very nice of you to do! And now lunch is served! I got the ribs, corn and underneath the slice of bread is a cup of cole slaw! Chad got a buffalo chicken sandwich and the food was really delicious! The sauce here is made on the premises and I’ll come back to do a full-fledged blog on this place in the future! Maybe I'll get a sandwich here!
Part IV: Happy Ending!
After lunch we couldn’t resist the lure of the luxury massage chairs! Am I the only one thinking about a “happy ending” from that headless mannequin underwear broad in the window? Yeah, I thought so! Anyway, thanks to Chad Wallace for coming along on this year’s gumball journey and helping out! It was a blast and I hope you can make it next year! We’ll see you all tomorrow!
Related Posts: The Fourth Annual Counting Of The Gumball Machines At The Northwoods Mall, The Third Annual Counting Of The Gumball Machines at Northwoods Mall!, 68 Gumball Machines At Northwoods Mall and A Trip To The Northwoods Mall To Count The Gumball Machines and Sit On The Easter Bunny’s Lap (It’s A Tough Job, But Someone Has To Do it!)