I don’t promote or visit chain or fast food restaurants much on this blog or in real life. But once in a blue moon I’ll stop in and try one of these places.
Well, the moon isn’t blue, but ever since I’ve started this baker’s dozen chicken tour, people have told me I have to try the chicken at the Pizza Ranch restaurant. This week I was kind of pressed for time, so I thought it might be a quick place to get some tasty fried chicken. So it’s off we go the the Pizza Ranch.
Okay, here we are at the Pizza Ranch. There’s been several restaurants in this location. The one I remember best is a Mexican restaurant called Chi-Chi’s. I wondered what happened to Chi-Chi’s, searched the inter webs and I found out. Now you can too, just click here and read all about their rise and fall in the U.S.
Alright, enough about Chi-Chi’s, let’s get the cluck in here and get some of this chicken I’ve heard so much about!
Okay, right off the bat I’m seeing something that really bugs me. Check out the chalk board with the buffet specials on it. In addition to the buffet information, there’s god crap on there.
More specifically there’s a passage from Psalm 118:28 from a Christian bible. There’s also a phrase about “Glorifying God.”
I adhere to the age-old adage of keeping religion and politics to yourself.
I’m not a religious person myself, but I’m also not anti-religion. I subscribe to the John Lennon theory that “whatever gets you through the night, is alright.” So if believing in some sort of god is what helps you sleep sound at night, more power to you, but I don’t want to read or hear about it in a public restaurant.
I would’ve just left, but as I said, I’m kind of pressed for time, so let’s just keep moving along here.
Oh shit, look at this, a “prayer request box.” And it’s made out of a chicken box. That’s just fucking sad.
No I don’t want you to pray for me, I just want a fucking piece of chicken so I can get this shit over with.
You order up at a front desk and the guy working there was struggling with my order, I think it was his first day. I had no problem with that, everyone has troubles at work now and again, but what I had trouble with was this woman that came over to help him with the order.
I told her I wanted an order of chicken wings and a two piece chicken dinner but instead of potatoes, I wanted a side of corn. She gave me a disgusted look and said, “You can’t substitute sides, you have to go with mashed potatoes or potato wedges.”
I responded by saying, “Well, I’ll pay for the corn and just forget the potatoes, I don’t want any.”
To which she gruffly responded, “The dinners come with either mashed potatoes or potato wedges.”
Now I’m kind of getting frustrated and I said, “Look, if you want to put the potatoes with the meal, I don’t care, I’ll just throw them in the trash when I get them.”
She gave me a dirty look, rang up the order and walked away. The guy who was having problems gave me a plaque with a number and a glass for my iced tea.
This is the booth I sat at. By now I have to confess (pun somewhat intended), I’m sick of their religious shit they’re shoving down peoples throats, sick of that woman’s attitude and I just want to get the fucking chicken, eat it and get the fuck out of here. There’s an underlying creepy vibe in here. With the religious imagery it’s reminding me of the road trip we took to the creepiest Bonanza Steakhouse in the world!
I’m not going to run around and take pictures in here like I usually do, here’s a couple shots from where I’m sitting.
One other thing that’s disturbing in here, and this is no fault of Pizza Ranch, but at least forty percent of the people in here are grossly obese. I’m not talking pleasingly plump, chubby or even fat, these are people that can hardly walk because they’re so fucking fat!
And I’m not fat-shaming here, I’m probably eleven pounds overweight myself, it happens. But these people are so fat it’s uncomfortable to look at them. I’m talking about people like this.
I guess it’s because of the all you can eat buffet and these people are really packing it in. Their trays are piled higher than their collective cholesterol count! Aaahhhh!
Another thing that bothers me is the lack of condiments at the table, there’s not even salt or pepper. Maybe I should put a note in that stupid fucking chicken prayer request box.
My thoughts of this being somewhat of a fast food place were shattered because it took over twenty minutes for the chicken wings to arrive. And this is me just being neurotic, but it really bothers me that they’re all shoved to one side of the plate. It’s driving my OCD nuts.
They were okay but they could’ve used a little pepper. Praise the Lord and pass the pepper.
After another five minute wait, the chicken dinner finally showed up. Hallelujah! And I have to admit, it looks pretty good, let’s dig in.
Oh wait, I guess with all of the god crap in here we should say Grace before we eat.
Okay, let’s eat!
Well, the corn isn’t good at all. It has no taste and has the consistency of ear wax. Thank you, Jesus!
Okay, I will say that this is a tasty piece of chicken. It’s seasoned nicely, crisp on the outside and juicy and tasty inside…
If only I didn’t have to eat it within spitting distance of this stupid fucking chicken prayer request box! If I was a chicken I’d put in a request for a prayer for people to eat more vegetables and quit killing chickens!
One Dixie Chicken—The chicken was good, but I just don’t like my meals with a side order of god.
Related Posts: 13 Months of Chicken @: The Heart of Illinois Fair, Tannins & Hops, Venezia Italian Bistro, Schooners, W.E. Sullivan’s Irish Pub & Fare, Double A’s, Tavern on Prospect, Jack’s Cafe And Jonnie’s Bar, Peoria Wingfest, KFC, Donnelly’s Irish Pub, Johnny’s Italian Steakhouse, The ‘50’s Diner, Obed & Isaacs, Childers Eatery, Gil’s Supper Club, Highlands Fine Food & Whiskey House, EatandEvolve, Blue Duck Barbecue Tavern, Slim Chickens, Destihl Brewery, Chili’s, Shelton’s, Sky Harbor Steak House, McDonald’s/Chik-fil-A, Bernardi’s Pub, Harold’s Chicken Shack, Lariat Steakhouse, Donnelly’s Irish Pub, Thanh Linh, Grandpa John’s Rib Shack, Birdie’s Bar & Grill, Jalapeno’s Mexican Grill, Midway Duck Inn, Ludy’s Kickapoo Creek Saloon, Jubilee Cafe, Rizzi’s and Agatucci’s.