Today is National Donut Day, so I thought it was only appropriate to go to Dunkin’ Donuts for a three course fast food meal. And so to the drive-through we go!
When you go to their Nutrition page online it’s a 50 page pdf document and this is just one of those pages. I wasn’t going to try and find our three items in this chart-o-graphic mess. Suffice it to say that there’s probably enough sodium in these items to give Big Foot a stroke.
As I mentioned, today is National Donut Day and you can get a free donut from Dunkin’ Donuts. Sadly I went yesterday and there were no free donuts. A day early and a donut short!
How Fast Is It Really?
It took just four minutes from the time I ordered to the woman handing me the meal at the drive-through window. And check out the price sign at the window to make sure you’re not over-charged. That was nice but as the woman handed me the sacks of food she said, “Be sure and come back tomorrow on National Donut Day!” And I felt like she was kind of rubbing it in that I had come on the wrong day. I’m kind of getting sick of this whole National Donut Day thing. It’s like every day is some fucking “National Food Day.” Can we just all eat our food and just shut the fuck up? Apparently not.
These are the items I ordered and how they’re pictured on the Dunkin’ Donuts website. From top to bottom: The Veggie Egg White Sandwich, A Bacon, Egg and Cheese Wake Up Wrap and a Glazed Donut. And yes, even though today is National Fucking Donut Day, I had to pay full price for my donut yesterday. Fuck!
We’ll check each item one by one, first up is the Veggie Egg White Sandwich. It doesn’t look quite as appetizing as the photo on the website. Let’s open it up and see what’s under the the English Muffin.
The egg white looks like some medical experiment scooped out of a petri dish. As I flipped the petri dish egg white over I saw the melted cheese on the bottom that reminded me what was drained out of my leg a month ago. I reluctantly bit into this scary looking sandwich and it tasted like an infected science experiment gone bad. Let’s just move along here.
This is the Bacon, Egg and Cheese Wake Up Wrap. It looks like a sad taco to me, let’s open it up and see what’s inside.
Okay, this has the same melted cheese that resembles pus and that’s a strange looking egg. The bacon strips are really greasy and they’re laying on what looks like a coagulating scab. Luckily it didn’t really have any taste to it, but after looking at two sandwiches that resembled sandwiches stuffed with infected pus and scabs, I stopped eating after that first bite.
Okay, time for the donut. The first thing that really bothered me is the way the donut was just haphazerdly thrown into this bag with no wax paper around it. It’s just sitting at the bottom of the bag like a naked donut. It’s one meal away from this book.
When I took the naked donut out of the bag things progressed to quite a frightening level. It looks like this fucking thing has a tumor growing on the side of it! This whole three course dinner has been like eating a book of medical diseases! I quickly threw it back in the bag and in the trash before I was infected with some sort of naked donut disease!