The Green Door is probably the oldest adult book, video and novelty store in Peoria that I know of. It’s been in the same place on Farmington Road selling X-rated tapes, DVD’s, magazines, dildos and blow-up love dolls among other adult-themed items for over 40 years now. I tried once before to take pictures in an adult book store over two years ago when we went to Lovers Playground and I struck out there and it’s bugged me ever since. I hate it when things don’t go the way I want them to and thought maybe I could document the inside of The Green Door to make up for that failure. So let’s go see if we can get behind The Green Door with the MBIP Camera!
Here we go sailing down Sterling Avenue on a grey, drizzly day. I’ve been thinking about going to The Green Door all day and I’m officially obsessed with getting pictures in there. I’ve felt bad ever since I failed at getting pictures inside of Lovers Playground and if I can get pictures inside of The Green Door, maybe I can take that day off of my list of failures and hatred that I obsess over every day.
We’ve arrived at The Green Door here on Farmington Road. Right now I have that sickening, sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach, much like I have when I do the “Can I Eat My Lunch In Here,” episodes. I know this is going to be uncomfortable and super-awkward, but it’s something that must be done. If I fail, my day is ruined and this gets catalogued as one more stupid memory I’ll play over and over in my mind and I’ll hate myself for not being able to forget it. But, if I’m successful I’ll be high as a kite and that’s worth this sickening feeling that I’m experiencing now. The best thing to do is just to take a deep breath, walk through the door with unbridled confidence and just do the best I can do. So, let’s go...behind the green door!
Okay, this may look like a simple, slightly unfocused photo to you, but to me it represents the start of a super-successful day here at MBIP! I walked in and talked to the fifty-something gentleman behind the counter and asked if I could take some pictures inside of the X-rated shop while giving him an official MBIP card. He glanced at the card, looked at me and said, “No.” My heart sank and I asked again and told him that no one else was in the place, so what harm could it do? And once again he said no, I couldn’t take any pictures. So I looked around for a few more minutes, screwed up all my courage and said to him, “Look, I’m just going to take a picture of the front room here. No one’s here, it’s not a big deal is it?” And then miraculously he said, “Oh...okay, go ahead.” Yes! I got this shot and then wandered over to a display case nearby.
I picked up this VHS tape and told him they were probably the only place in Central Illinois still selling VHS tapes and then said, “I’m just going to take a picture of this too.” I heard no objection so I took this photo. Now I was starting to get really excited because I had a sense that I could just keep snapping away. And so that’s what I did! And with every shot, I kept thinking he was going to tell me to stop and that added to the excitement of the afternoon.
Here’s a wall of dildos next to the front door. It’s not often you get to write the words, “wall of dildos,” so I’m pretty fucking grateful for this splendid moment in time!
There’s more adult trinkets and tchotchkes over on this wall. At this point I’m amazed that he’s letting me just roam around the store taking pictures so I’m moving pretty fast and snapping away before he tells me to stop!
There’s a whole section of blow-up dolls and this one cracked me up: “Just-In Beaver.” He’s finally 18 and he’s got two love holes! The bottom of the box says, “Beaver Fever.” For some reason that makes me think of Charlie Sheen.
I’m guessing that Barack Obama is the first president to ever have a sex blow-up doll made in his honor. The thing that I think is the best thing on this box is the, “Seen On TV” claim at the far right bottom of the box. I’m pissed that I missed the “60 Minutes” interview of the Blow-Up Barack, but maybe it’s on YouTube.
I’ve never seen greeting and get well cards at an adult book store. There’s also something in this picture that’s a blast from the MBIP past and I’ll get back to that in a little bit!
This corner is devoted to print magazines, let’s go take a look.
Holy shitballs! I had that Debbie Harry Penthouse way back in the day! Sadly, Debbie Harry wasn’t nude in the issue, but I’ve always liked that cover shot of her. And yes, the tits on the woman on the cover next to her are pretty spectacular!
At this point I’ve just kind of taken over the place and I’m pretty giddy that I’m being able to take photos anywhere. There’s another room down the hallway here, let’s document that before I’m told to knock this shit off!
This room is filled with DVD’s for sale and rent and there’s a mannequin dressed up in lingerie on top of a counter.
Check out the painting over here, it kind of reminds me of the one behind the bar at The Judge’s Chamber.
Cosmo Kramer was the Assman and this woman must be his female counterpart! Spanks for the memories, Asswoman!
Suddenly...candy! Okay, I think I’ve pressed my luck long enough in here! Time to buy something since I was able to take pictures in here and then we’ll go back to the MBIP World Headquarters to check out my purchases! This was a great day and thanks to the gentleman behind the counter for letting me loose with the MBIP Camera in here, it really made my day and I can finally wipe the failure of the Lovers Playground off of my obsession and hatred list!
Okay, we’re back at MBIP World Headquarters and I just had to buy the Penthouse Debbie Harry issue. I think I’ll get the cover framed! I love it! And note that I'm holding it one-handed, the way a Penthouse magazine was meant to be held!
Remember I told you when I took this shot that there was something in this photo that was a blast from the MBIP past? Well I was amazed and shocked to see our old friend up on the wall at The Green Door...
It’s Fatty Patty! We first met and purchased here when we did the Lovers Playground post! So good to see her again, she’s large and in charge!
Bonus Local Video Link—Death Choice: Motel Mayhem
Here’s the synopsis of the video he sent me: “A choose your own adventure style slasher video.After a long day on the job three construction workers, a traveling hippie, and a psycho all meet up in a roadside motel. This video series is full of blood, crazy violence, laughs and lots of bad choices.”
Click on the picture below to check out the video and if you hang out at The Jukebox Comedy Club, you might see a familiar face or two!