Last week’s Panda Express meal was a real shitshow on flattened tires.
The entire order was fucked up, so I thought I’d go back and do a re-do on these entree items and so it’s off to the drive-through we go.
So we’re going to try the Original Orange Chicken and the Firecracker Chicken Breast one more time. With feeling!
We’re off to a better start, because this time I can hear the woman perfectly through the speaker. Mush Mouth must have the day off. I specifically ordered individual entrees and she asked if I wanted small, medium or large, so I went with the medium.
Maybe they’ll be able to tell my future before I eat them.
I swear to fucking god this is the longest light in the fucking universe!
We’re back and let’s see if Panda Express got it right this week.
Okay, it looks like they got the order right, but I ordered an egg roll because last week they wouldn’t give me one. They asked me what kind of a side dish I wanted and when I asked for an egg roll they said I couldn’t have one because it’s an entree.
I didn’t say anything and went with the fried rice, even though an egg roll is a fucking appetizer, not an entree. Now as I look at the menu, they’ve listed the egg roll as a small Entree!
Are they trying to fucking taunt me? Hey Panda Express, look at your goddamned menu and go to the Appetizer section. What do you see there? Oh an egg roll!
Yet on the receipt it’s listed as a small entree. You probably thought you’d sneak this shit by me, but it’s not going unnoticed!
Assholes!
We’re back to the cardboard boxes and the egg roll, which is an appetizer is wrapped up.
The sauce on the lid of the box makes for a very unappetizing presentation. Let’s put this shit on plates before I get sick.
Here they are plated up and ready to eat. The Original Orange Chicken is brown, it isn’t orange, so it’s just another lie from Panda Express!
The Firecracker Chicken Breast looks a lot better.
First Bites
Firecracker Chicken Breast: This is okay, but it doesn’t live up to the “Firecracker” in the title. Not very spicy at all and pretty bland.
Original Orange Chicken: This is sickeningly sweet and it has a faint gasoline after-taste. Plus it’s not orange!
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Panda Rating (1-4)
Firecracker Chicken Breast: One Panda, this firecracker is a bit of a dud.
Original Orange Chicken: Half a Panda, it’s too fucking sweet and that gasoline after-taste is gross. Plus it’s not orange!
I forgot to ask for Soy Sauce and Hot Mustard but luckily I still had a few packets of Hot Mustard in reserve and it made the egg roll a little more tastier.
Oh and Panda Express, if you’re reading this…THIS IS A FUCKING APPETIZER!
Assholes!
Holy screaming shitballs, this is a very cruel ending to this meal. They didn’t give me a fucking fortune cookie!
Fuck!
So let’s just sum up what we’ve learned today: Egg Roll = Appetizer. No Fortune Cookie = Panda Express Is An Asshole Emporium.
Fuck!
I hate the Benny Hill styled music that accompanies this video!
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Related Posts: MBIP Eats Panda Express: Failed Order, Fried Rice & Super Greens, Chow Mein & Steamed White Rice and Cream Cheese Rangoon, Chicken Egg Roll & Vegetable Spring Roll.