Okay, the MBIP Weekend Contributor's Well is dry again and it looks like that's going to be happening more often than not, so I need to think of some things to do for the Saturday posts that aren't too time consuming because I really do need time on the weekend to prepare for the next week of posts here at MBIP.
Last January, I went through a drive-through window at McDonald's and it was amazing to me at just how horrible their food is. I don't eat fast food, I stopped eating it when I lived in New York because there's so much fresh food and deli's everywhere, it makes no sense to eat shitty fast food. That McDonald's post really opened my eyes up as to how bad some fast food really is. So I thought every now and again on a Friday night, I'd go to a fast food drive-through window, get a meal, take it back to the MBIP World Headquarters and then do a taste-testing report!
Tonight I thought we'd try Long John Silver's. I don't think I've had a meal there since the '80's when I still smoked pot and would eat about anything because I was stoned most of the time. Let's go for a Friday night drive-though at Long John Silver's! Arrrr!
Okay, this inaugural edition of the MBIP Friday Night Drive-Through is off to a bad start. I just checked the MBIP camera and I found out that I left the memory card in my computer at home. I’m not going to travel all the way there and come back to the Long John Silver’s on Knoxville, so I decided to just get some pictures of Long John Silver’s off of the internet. They all look the same, so ti’s really no big deal. Here we are and now let’s get this fucking meal and get this over with!
I got the number 5 dinner, which is a two piece fish dinner with your choice of two side dishes. For the side dishes I ordered green beans and macaroni and cheese and then I drove up to the order window.
Once I got up to the order window it was a total fucking nightmare. The woman who took my money was very nice, but then things went horribly wrong! She not only works the drive-through window, but they also have her working the front counter! So after she took my money, she went to work at the front counter and it was 11 long minutes until she came back with my food order! What, do they go down to the Illinois river to catch the orders? Eleven minutes might not seem like much time when you read it, but believe me, 11 minutes waiting in a Long John Silver’s take-out window is like sitting through a season of eternity times twenty!
Finally I got my dinner and I have to tell you it smelled frighteningly bad on the way home. It was a combination of grease, salt and really scary smells emanating from that bag! Here we are at the MBIP kitchen/official tasting area to check this Long John Silver's meal out.
And there’s the fast food dinner awaiting us. Time to plate it up.
And speaking of plates, we’ll be eating this off of a special plate my sister, Terry made for me! She made me this official MBIP plate at Fired Up Studios, where I keep meaning to do a post from. I love this and thanks to Terry for making it for me!
For years I’ve only had one plate and now I have two! I should have a dinner party or something!
They gave me some Tartar Sauce, but it gave me thoughts of MBIP pal, Steve Tarter masturbating and that kind of disturbed me, so I put them off to the side and decided not to use them.
Here’s the Long John Silver’s meal all plated up, let’s dig in and see how it rates!
Before we begin I have to mention that instead of giving you a full utensil collection of a fork, spoon and knife, you just get a fork with your meal. I guess it’s their way of saying: “Fork you.”
I started off with the side dish of macaroni and cheese. I was determined not to like it and I thought it would be really bland. Well, I was surprised as I took my first bite because it actually was pretty good! Maybe I was going to get a surprise and this dinner wasn’t going to be so bad after all!
Well the green beans shot that theory all to shit! I’m not a big fan of green beans to begin with, but I ordered them because I’ve never seen them on a fast food menu before. They taste like green ear wax which made me think of the Jolly Green Giant and the Jolly Green Giant has always freaked me the fuck out. I’m just not a fan of jolly people and if they’re giants...well, just get the fuck out of my face! Aaaahhh!
Next I tried the hush puppies that come with every meal. They certainly tasted like hush puppies. Shoes, that is!
And now on to the main course. The number 5 dinner I ordered is two pieces of fish, which I got because Long john Silver’s signature dish is fish. The outside of the fish is covered in a stomach-turning, chalky tasting deep fried batter that’s greasier than a John Travolta and Olivia Newton John reunion. Inside the fish is slimy, white and it tastes like a fish that's been swimming in a river of polluted mucus. Hmmm, a bad fish taste and it's slimy and white...do you know what that makes me think of? Sarah Palin's pussy! Eating fish at Long John Silver's is like eating Sarah Palin's pussy and that is one region I really don't want to be sticking my tongue in, on or anywhere near! I think I'd rather blow Donald Trump than eat Sarah Palin's pussy. Okay, I have to go be sick now, we'll see you all tomorrow!
A Table For Sergeant Squeak!
I got a table for the MBIP roommate, Sergeant Squeak and here’s some pictures of it. Great to have him in his proper place, he’s now the center of attractions here at MBIP World Headquarters and thanks again to Amber for creating this cool piece of taxidermy art for me!